A few months ago Husband received a package through the post. It was an ebay purchase which is nothing out of the ordinary because he is unnaturally obsessed with ebay and addicted to buying random shit that no one needs, sometimes it doesn’t even get opened. This is because he enjoys the thrill of buying stuff, whether we need it or not has nothing to do with it. Not such a problem if it’s silly cheap stuff . After all there are worse vices to have but on this occasion the parcel was quite big which I later found out was neither cheap or in fact of any use. It has now been sitting in the box gathering dust in the corner of the kitchen for the last 6 months and after a row the other day when Husband had the barefaced audacity to accuse me of wasting money I could no longer hold my council. I let rip about this Fucking thing that had been festering, unopened in the kitchen for the last decade (6 months), at a cost of 2 million pounds (around £300 but you can see where I’m going with this). So when I arrived home from work on Saturday just imagine my sheer delight to be greeted with a 15 foot shelter on the lawn.
We now have an ‘events tent’ in our back garden with no plans to hold any kind of events. Husband keeps telling the children to go and play in it, or take the dogs in it. He has been sitting under it to drink cups of tea and even tried to persuade the kids to sleep in it overnight, marketing it as an adventure, all in a desperate effort to prove its value. Of course the children and dogs are having none of it rendering the thing basically useless. Husband has also been insisting how it will come in handy for parties, but the thing is we haven’t had a party in over 3 years and honestly I have no current plans or inclination to have another anytime soon. Mainly because these days I am more unsociable but also I dread the week long hangover that follows any type of social drinking now I’m getting a little older. In addition to these very valid reasons I am also unwilling to clean my home to the degree necessary to welcome people into it.
So for now we have a massive monstrosity in the garden serving no purpose at all other than to get in the way of everything and block out every last lovely view of the countryside from all angles, not forgetting that this wasn’t a misunderstanding or an accidental purchase (come on, we’ve all been there, it’s definitely a thing) He bought it on purpose and at a monetary cost to us. Unbelievable.
I am now welcoming rental enquiries and shall be making this gigantic arse wipe available for weddings, christenings, birthdays, and bog standard Tuesday’s so if you fancy sitting under a big top in my garden then be my guest.
***Update – It is now Wednesday and I’ve had a few days to warm up to the giant arse wipe. Husband moved our outside furniture underneath it and lit some candles, he also promised me some fairy lights. I have been spending a bit of time in my new outdoor living room, reading and relaxing. We also had a sneaky family Bar B Q last night which in my book qualifies as an event worthy of an events shelter. It fitted us all under and a fab time was had by all … enough to declare that I think I might like it ***
Life by Eliza 