Broccoli, Carrot or a Chicken Nugget?

Scenario: You are asked to make a short video congratulating a work colleague for 15 years service that will become part of a montage.  When the finished article is released onto the group WhatsApp chat you realise everyone has left heartfelt messages and filmed their actual selves except for you who is a Snapchat talking sausage roll.

As discussed previously, personal hygiene hasn’t been my strong point this year.  Given the choice of bathing, preening and applying makeup for a video message or becoming a talking sausage roll where only your eyes and teeth are visible it’s a no brainer for me.  So when I was asked to contribute a short congratulatory message on our WhatsApp group I could think of nothing better than disguising my not so attractive appearance by becoming a Cooplands sausage roll.  

 I may have also indicated on the video message that because I have worked there longer (ok only 1 year longer, but longer is longer so …) than her that I was therefore in charge of her, making me her direct superior which I thought was hilarious when I did it, only realising later that it looked as though I was saying that length of service determines your authority in the workplace, which I sort of was but only as a joke.  Then I remembered that our manager has been our manager for less than a year.  Little bit awkward.  

It turned out though that she loved my message, even if it was delivered by a delicious pastry treat containing pig’s tails and eyeballs so that was a relief.  She also assumed that the comment about me being her direct superior was a joke (it wasn’t, I am in charge of you, and you must do everything I say – you know who you are).

I love nothing more than a good Snapchat filter.  I have a variety of favourites that I use to communicate with certain friends. Instead of calling or texting them like a civilised human, I like to record long rambling messages as a head of broccoli or a carrot.  Strangely it always seems to be a fruit or a vegetable.  Anyway, this is my recommendation for the week.  Choose a friend who you want to catch up with and then carefully select a Snapchat filter to record a long and drawn out message about nothing. Some of us on Instagram have already had a little practice this week following the Snapchat challenge I set.  Send them it and you will either be rewarded with a response from a talking chicken nugget or similar which I have to say always lifts my spirits and lets you know without doubt that these are ‘your people’. Or, they will decide you are a complete Fucking weirdo and ghost you.  In my experience there isn’t usually much of an inbetween.  Just for reference, in these instances these are not ‘your people.’

Good Luck.

Published by lifebyeliza41

I am a Yorkshire lass born and bred. I live there with my bearded husband, 2 beautiful if not slightly feral children, 2 crazy dogs and a lizard. I’m on honesty and not great at sugar coating, I likes to write about my family and everyday life as a mum, wife, supporter of women and my love for anything rude, lewd and inappropriate. My hobbies include fantasising about cake, reading and watching crime thrillers whilst eating cake and sneaking around during the night in full stealth mode to secretly eat more cake. You can find me on Instagram at @life_by_eliza You can find my podcast on Anchor fm, Apple Podcasts, Spotify and Google Podcasts amongst others.

One thought on “Broccoli, Carrot or a Chicken Nugget?

  1. I missed a trick in my twenty year career. Why did I never present at conferences as a pasty. Embracing my Devon roots. Love it. Who wouldn’t love a sausage roll wishing them well.

    Liked by 1 person

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