Ever accepted an apology you never actually got?
For example, from your Husband that is a stubborn old goat and a massive bellend at times, especially when he does tricks like going to the pub after work with his mate, rings you for a lift and then after you’ve decided to stay for an hour, eaten tea there and left him to settle up while you fetch the car he then goes AWOL with his mate and ends up at home without you. Let’s say for argument’s sake that in a completely theoretical situation (ahem) that once at home with his mate in tow, he then proceeds to show off and be cocky despite knowing he’s up to his neck in shit and the only reason he’s escaping a throat punch is because an outsider is present. Lets throw into the mix that you never receive a heartfelt apology, or any apology at all because even though it’s obvious to anyone that you deserve one, he isn’t emotionally well equipped enough to admit he was in the wrong, even at the age of 48.
Ever been the bigger person and let something go even though it was a real struggle and honestly you would have rather chopped off both your legs and dragged yourself over the salt plains of Bolivia?
So continuing with the above theoretical situation, you realise that if you’re not going to leave him, which you’re not because despite being this way he is at heart one of the good ones, that you have to choose your battles wisely. It turns out this isn’t one worth rocking the boat over and you accept the non existent apology.
It’s a yes from me on both accounts. I want to make it clear that if you are also in my camp and have done either of these things you are already way ahead of the game and should pat yourself on the back for not only being a decent Human but also for being smart enough to know that by doing these things you are helping protect your mental health.
Please don’t misunderstand. In no way shape or form am I advocating letting people treat you like shit or letting people think you are a pushover, for me personally when I decide to forgive someone for something it’s a very deliberate thing and not something that happens because I’ve given in, daren’t speak up or just want to forget about it. To understand this better we have to discuss the term forgiveness. When we forgive it does not mean it’s all okay. In some unfortunate cases it might never be okay. But what it does mean is that you have decided that the time has come when you are ready to draw a line under whatever it is that requires forgiveness, that you won’t let it rule your life or harass your thoughts continuously anymore.
It is a decision to let it go.
This doesn’t mean you will forget it. In some instances it also means that you still might decide to break a friendship or end a relationship but with the knowledge that it will not affect your day to day living or impact negatively on your mindset.
Let’s hope that the fictional character in this story realised he had been let off the hook and shown some grace, and might consider this the next time he is tempted to behave in this manner again.
Unlikely. But we can only live in hope, and who knows, maybe next time he may not be so lucky to escape a throat punch or a double eye poke . (If indeed this was a real situation and not a made up one containing a wildly fictional character. Ahem)